The pictures that haunt me...

...Instead if inspire me. I was cleaning and throwing out some crap yesterday and came across some pictures from when I was skinny. See, I was robbed of my skinniness, and I didn't even get to have it for long. I have terrible terrible genetics and have always had problems with my weight.
All my life I have always been a little "chubby"..not the real FAT girl in the class, but always the one with "meat on my bones"...it sucked. I had a boyfriend, a cute one too, all through HS from freshman to senior year. As we dated I gained weight. When I started to drift away from him towards the end of my senior year I started losing more weight than I ever lost. I got up to, while I was dating him, 185, and while I was with him, towards the end, got down to 150...then 145..then I dumped him and got all the way down to 125-130 by doing Atkins..my "happy" weight. I'd never weighed that before as a grown person and what I think is crazy, is then, I still thought I was FAT! I look back at pictures now and wish that is what I looked like. Here are some examples of what I looked like...not to mention this is what I first looked like when Trent and I got together...Trent took the picture of me in the pink.


I wish I had the picture on my computer that I seen yesterday. I found one where I have my shirt tied up to show my midriff...and I am not a "midriff showing" kind of girl..even when I was skinny, and I looked so damn good in the picture. When I look at it now it makes me sad because I think in my head that my tummy will never look that good again. It is so stretched out now, I am only losing a pound or two every two weeks. Lately, I just feel robbed of my body and my sexiness. I feel like Trent is repulsed my the sight of me naked because I am. Lately, he has been making remarks about everything that goes in my mouth. He use to be so proud of me because I was HOT in his eyes and I think Ive lost that. While I was pregnant my weight got all the way up to 221lbs...I started at 165(I had put on some weight from quiting smoking. Now I am 172 and it has felt like such a lonnnngggg journey to get there. I am doing activities to further my weight loss like Weight Watchers, working out, and eating less...still very slowwwww results. This is me nowAll I want is to be one of those people who are happy with what they look like no matter what. I do thank FAB and all the mommas in it because they give me a lot of confidence through their kind words. That is all the rambling I am going to do for today. one day...one day...

About this blogger..follow the leaders...

OK...so..now I am officially a blogger...which I thought I was already because I had a myspace. After reading a few of my dear FAB moms blogs, I realized that is not what blogging is at all. It is pretty much a public journal, and I think that is pretty damn cool that way you aren't the only one in your head...now you can include others..he he.
For my first blog I will just ramble about myself. My name is Ashley and I am 23 years old. I will be 24 on November 6Th, 2008...PROUD TO BE A SCORPIO! My husbands name is Trent. He just turned 24 in August. He and I have been together since April 2, 2004 and married since March 31st, 2008. We were preggers when we tied the knot..,sometimes I wonder if we would have gotten married there wasn't a baby involved. We would have just lived together forever. I have one baby..he just turned 1yr old on August 28Th, 2008. He is a Virgo..both my boys are but Trent is on the cusp Virgo/Leo. Zak is such a blessing. I cant even BEGIN to imagine what my life would be like without him. He is getting big now, just started walking, eating hot dogs, climbing, and I am sure before I know it he will be running and riding bikes. It has just seemed to go by so fast. There is nothing I wont do for him. He is BY FAR the love of my life...Zakery.
I work full time currently selling cars at an independent dealership out of Ocala, Florida. Ive been there for going on 4 years..5 years selling cars, though. I use to LOVE IT...now I am just OK with it. I am currently trying to figure out how to be a SAHM with a lot of debt to pay. I didn't plan on having children at my age and if things would have went to plan I would be working at home today...watching my little man, but that is where LIFE comes in and take you down a different route. Ive registered for spring term at a community college here for Cosmetology. What a switch up, huh? Ive always been interested in it, I can do it fast, the moneys isn't bad, and there are usually good hours...only time will tell. Currently Mid State, I have the title of "Sales Manager" but it is just two of us..so who do I manage? myself? Who knows what is going to happen, anyways, with this tricky economy.
That is the basics and I would think pretty good to get me started. I am looking forward to sharing, as well as, reading ya'lls posts!!